I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
