WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Randomize
