Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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