i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
