Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
There's always time for handjobs
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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