So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
