Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
