This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
hell yes lets make some ravioli
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
