Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
