I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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