How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
