Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
