I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Randomize
