Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
