Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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