OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
