woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
