best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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