**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I am naked and annoyed.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
