So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
