I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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