u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize
