Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
