Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
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