I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
If I die, sorry about rent.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Randomize
