do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Randomize
