im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
