I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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