I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
