Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
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