i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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