The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
