The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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