I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
