Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
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