she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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