We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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