Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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