Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
