gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I think my nap took me to another dimension
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
