One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
