On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
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