have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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