Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
