he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
