I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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