operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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