I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I need to calm my uterus...
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
