erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
