Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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