can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
