I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Randomize
