we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
