yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I DEMAND FORESKIN
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
