Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
